I never meant it.

I never meant to tell you that I hated you

I never meant to make you feel like you were wrong

I never meant to make you feel like I didn't love you

even though I know you knew I loved you

you were my mother after all

and I was wrong all along.

I never knew our last conversation would be the last wed ever have

the last hug you gave me would be the last time I'd be held in your arms

I never knew that the last time I looked into your eyes and told you that I loved you

would be the last time before you were gone.

I wish to god I could take back all the anger I let harbor inside me

and replace it with happy memories and laughter

instead I'm stuck with this never ending guilt

and an endless void

I'm still stuck on the last page of an already closed chapter.

I can't let you go Momma

I just can't.

the night you went away

was the night my life changed forever

the girl I was isn't the girl I am

and for that death is clever

he twists us into these outer shells

nothing more and nothing less

consumed by sadness

old memories

he takes away our rest

why doesn't god take away death instead?