divided individual (rough draft)

i am a divided individual

split up into peices of every person who has defined me

fuck individuality

i am a masterpeice of personalities all foreign to me

all the people who have shaped me like a batch of clay ready to burn

they dont know that even when youre inatimate you can hurt

i just wanted to be work of art but i never know where to start becuase

you know how they say the whole is more than the sum of its parts

well my whole being doesnt have any parts that are me in it

i guess i can still be more than the sum of my parts but

i am just shattered images in the mirrors people look at when they stab me in the back

i am nothing but a canvas to attack and watch the colours of the lost cause fade away

i am the play by play of a game another team won but the fun never was passed on to me

i am light mint green

my favourite colour for years

the colour i will never associate with the tears the caused by the people who treated me like a needy dog

if i was ever religious, losing faith would be my god because i cant stick to one constant without falling out of it and getting insecure

i find my sense of myself is divisible because i am a divided individual and peice by peice they add to me and then the stories of broken friendships make the puzzle complete

cant you see that i am made up of what theyve made of me

i wish i wasnt leftovers from the all you can eat buffet that they created out of me

but in this trash heap i find myself writing diaries

stories about the people that seem to complete me

i pave a way through the garbage around me

trying to find more of me than just this overwhelming sea of memories

i fall apart and shadder like a broken bone

but even with each puzzle piece all damaged and incomplete,

i am not alone

there’s still a personality to whatevers left of me

i had a moment today where i realized that people dont have to define me.

i am so much more than whats behind me

i am a complete individual with a past, not yet behind me

and its making me think im nothing but the people who left me

but

i am a poet, an artist, a collector of weird thing

i am non binary, im lgbt, i am a whole hearted, empathetic person

filled with creativity

im walking faster every day and im watching my past start to trip and make its way behind me where it should be

along with the belife that i am a divided individual.