Thoughts

Everything that I do is under scrutiny not from supervisors or others at all but for myself. My exact thought process whenver taking on something new is, how I can make it perfect. Perfection is eluding yet is the end goal for everything, which leads to countless nights spent crying over what I should be and wondering if I will ever be good enough for what I have been taught I am capable of. The thing about it is is that the toxic self talk stems from what should be good but has given me as a person so much potential that if I don't live up to it there's really no point to my existance.

If you were given the ability to be the next Einstein would you be able to handle the pressure with all of the standards you are held to and all of the greatest minds of all times, you are supposed to be the next. This gives you a lot to fill and even the slightest bit below perfection is seen as a failure.

I realize I sound like an idiot but still, if I can't rise above the rest then what am I doing.