drinking lovers

we are friends with benefits and i am scared of how it will all end.

there is no way to know how it will end, are you communicating well?

yes, we talk about letting one another know if we are catching feelings or not.

that's good, are you on the same page?

we are, and he is open to talking about it.

is there anything keeping you from being more than friends?

he is an alcoholic and it scares the shit out of me. i am scared i would be dealing with him being drunk or i would be anxious about him getting drunk all the time. my parents are alcoholics. i am scared that if he gets sober, when something bad happens he will just go back to drinking. i don't know how bad his drinking has been in the past, but we were at a friends house just hanging out and he was so drunk i had to carry him in.

another night we were at his house just watching a movie, and he blacked out and didn't remember anything the next day. what if it kills him?

do you love him?

i do.

is it romantic?

sometimes, but then i see him so drunk i have to carry him and it's like my heart grows cold.

is he a good lover?

he is amazing.

is he kind?

so very.

is he handsome?

sexy as hell.

do you feel safe with him?

i do.

i told him im scared when he drinks and i saw his heart break in his eyes, and he saw that mine was already broken.

does he have a reason to drink?

he does. his girlfriend died with his baby in her stomach. on my birthday.

fuck. i would drink too.