Here I Am.

I came to the home I built inside of myself.

I knew that it was going to burn down soon, so I started to unravel all of my memories

Put them into boxes

And shoved them out the door.

In the attic, there was a box of old and forgotten photographs.

Suddenly I was flooded with words of black and white

And my wounds reopened.

How could you?

Why did you leave?

How could you break me?

Why wouldn't you love me?!

I needed you!

So many emotions swirled in my head

And my heart began putting up her blockades.

No one would be shoving arrows into old scars, no, not tonight.

I felt alone,

But I knew your demons had heard my screams.

They always did.

They kept me company while you were plotting my demise.

They held me when you made me cry,

But now they only tormented me by reminding me of your absence.

Why can't you be here?

Why did I even go into the attic?

Is it my destiny to sad and broken for the rest of my days?

Wild, isn't it, how a wound remains a wound even after the pain dissipates.

Or how the bleeding can be soothing, reminding you that you are alive even after you had died inside

In an instant

You become someone you've not known before

You don't recognize your reflection.

You are decaying.

You were smiling only moments ago,

But now you have forfeited all you once held dear...

Who are you

If you belong to no one..

Perhaps you are no one too.

Maybe you were always no one.

Maybe you'll survive,

But maybe you'll fall apart.

Maybe your pieces

And parts

Can be reimagined

And you can be something beautiful.

Beauty belongs everywhere,

But you've never belonged anywhere.

You can't satisfy your need to die.

Inside you can only picture the photographs

You can only replay the pain.

I can't tell you how many times

I have walked out of my tomb

And reassured the masses

That society will never keep me down,

Not like you did.

You are the only love that ever killed me.

You slashed me open

And watched me bleed out.

You twisted my limbs

And broke my bones

And left me to be picked apart by crows.

Let the wolves come and tear my flesh apart,

I was hardly ever human anyway...

You crash,

I'll burn.

My home is in flames

My hopes are a pile of ashes

But here I am

Breathing

Bleeding

Feeling pains and aches

Breaking chains

And dying all over again.

Who knew?

A box of forgotten photographs

In a forgotten attic

In the home I had made inside of myself.

Who knew that it would spark a downward spiral so severe that even satan himself would take cover?

My existence is incomplete.

My heart is defeated.

My hopes are dead.

But here I am.

I'm suffering.

I'm bleeding.

I'm breathing.

I am dying all over again.

-ashleyanne