Door Knob Girl

Ten

I stare at my crooked teeth

My wild hair

My mismatched clothes

Purples and reds mixed

Rosy cheeks and scrapes knees

A door knob girl

Twelve

Sweatshirts are my friends

Cookies and chips

Shorter hair

Larger thighs

Boobs too big, they must be stuffed

Sweatshirts are my friends

Its summertime

Fourteen

Big

Too too big

You really shouldn’t eat that

Secret nighttime sit-ups

Don’t eat today

It will be okay.

Sixteen

Hide

Hide it all

This world is too cruel

The sky is grey

And so is the bottle of vodka

Rum is brown

The tequila is the only thing

That keeps me warm at night

I down the shots

After I stare in the mirror

Crying after throwing my face down the toilet

Screaming at the ugly girl in front of me

All I am is a crying question

Slowly devolving as answers float away

In the warmth

Eighteen

Just hold on a little long

Nothing is helping

Nothing is working

My head is fuzzy

All I know is this fat

This hate is a pile of bodies sitting on my chest

Pushing me down

Please

I’m so cold

My tears are the fire in my ice face

Please

I can’t breathe

I see her in the mirror

She should have stayed a happy door knob girl

She should have stayed

I should have stayed.