I leave you with my body

I leave you

with two lumps

of decaying flesh,

black and immotile.

I leave you with blood

tests, ultrasounds, and bone

density scans that all showed

nothing, nothing, nothing. I leave

you with an explosive urge to sprint - faster and faster into the distance.

I leave you with the

memories of what

I once could

do.

I leave you

with the infinite

white wall that is my

future. I leave you with

hours sat in front of a screen,

mute, immobile, while all the

while my brain turns and turns

and turns and thinks and

thinks and creates

visions only

I can

see.

I leave you

with a raging

frustration that lies

dormant beneath my skin.

I leave you with my desperation

at the microscope. I leave you

with the sympathy

on their

faces.

I leave you

with a mind that

now slows and slows,

wading through a thick sludge.

I leave you with a corpse of

bitterness and self-hatred.

I leave you with

pain,

pain,

pain.

I leave you

with rows and rows

of sleepless nights, tied down

by some invisible force that wakes my aching limbs. I leave you with hours of bargaining with God - please,

take two left fingers,

the entire fist -

I leave you

with the thought

of Leaside bridge -

a different kind

of freedom.

Tonight, I leave you behind and start anew.