I Would Rather…

I would rather eat my food off a syphilis-infected hooker…

I would rather tip over all the candles in a church…

I would rather dust the shelves in a hoarder's house…

I would rather be an overweight soccer mom…

I would rather endure the weird tasting green meat found in first-world countries…

I would rather lick the bottom of a toilet brush…

I would rather run across the desert in only my underwear and a bag of lemons…

I would rather have gum forever stuck on the bottom of my shoe…

Than to be without you.