Choose Me, Without My Asking.
You sit beside me.
I can feel the heat from your body
On mine and I tingle, both from
The alcohol and the idea of a
Touch.
You ask me for coffee.
I don’t drink coffee but I say yes,
The easiest word to leave my lips.
I dig my own grave and ask
“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”
It’s been a week.
We haven’t spoken, but
Once we see each other again
It is electricity in my skin.
You touch my hand, my face,
Finally, and I let you, despite everything.
You say it would be easier if I don’t
Come around. I am too much for you,
Yet it is my muchness that you wish for
In the middle of the night. It is me that
You call and tease and tantalize.
And I let you, despite everything.
You don’t know what to do.
You are stuck between who you have
And do not want, and who you want
But do not have. I am caught in the middle,
Knowing I cannot ask you to choose me,
Knowing if I did, it would be meaningless.
I would question it every day we were
Together. Did he pick me because it was
Easier to do what he was told, than to
Break a heart? Or did he pick me because he
Loves me? Because he sees a life with me?
No, you must choose on your own, or
Choose nothing at all.