Little light.

My sweet girl.

I remember when I doubted you.

I read this book and I thought it was about me.

About us.

It was something about Kevin.

I was three months pregnant and I didn’t want to poison me.

-Us.

I’m sorry

With its meaning

so I threw it in the trash.

Instead I read you Grimms fairytales

And I wished I could’ve held you.

A little patience and a lot of pain

then there you were.

Hair so soft I felt the toughness of my own hands when I touched it.

A cry like a siren in the ocean.

Wide.

And eyes wet just the same.

I took you home and never have I been more cautious.

I didn’t even want to breath the same air as you.

My fresh little thing.

In the beginning I was worried about my transformation

You know?

Into a mom.

Then that night

Instead of anger when you cried like the thunder

At 3am

I smiled cause I got to be there for you.

Now you run and laugh into my shoulders

And climb on me like the jungle gym outside your classroom.

And you tell me you love me too

No longer walking like a duckling

But you prance

And it’s so beautiful.

No longer do you repeat the same word.

Or mumble something only a mommy can decipher

But now it’s

Hold my hand, mommy.

Dance, mommy.

Smile, mommy.

I can’t believe I was scared to unwrap you.

My little gift.

My little light.

And now I feel my claws extending

And the growl rising from my belly

And I watch those around you

I anticipate the strike

Because

Little light

This world can be a dungeon

You don’t see it yet

It’s still your playground

And while you spin and swing

I will die if I have to.

My gift that will never be returned.

My light that provides a light the sun is too weak to give.

My baby girl.