Wretched

For hours, I toil at my armor

Layer upon layer, chunk upon chunk

I don it with pride- nothing can touch me!

But one glance from those eyes, and I am stripped bare

Shivering, exposed, as I stare into your face

Your gaze

can cut

through diamond.

It was always you- no other soul could bring me to tears with a one look

No other soul could make me lose my grace with one smirk

No other soul could have me at their feet with one word

Somehow I’ve gotten myself lost in this labyrinth, twisted and dark, slithering every which way, scrambling into dead ends that echo with your earnest sweet words

I’m searching to see where you’ve laced them with cyanide, but then why are flowers the only thing that I hear?

Your dancing eyes have got me spinning and I just can’t seem to stop

I’m really quite smart, but I sense that there’s something I’m missing when hummingbirds are pecking from inside my chest and my cheeks are blooming carnations and finally, finally, I realise- it’s you

and her, together, I’m watching, and my delicate heart has slipped out of my grasp, splitting into shards of silvery glass and the slivers embed themselves inside, one with my flesh, buried too deep to extract- Each step, each breath pierces through my body and I just can’t go on but I do

Once I got stung by a wasp and my arm was a bursting tomato and I thought I knew pain but now I know it was mercy

I’m caught in a shrieking gale, yanking out fibers of my essence, and I’m so cold, so alone

Waiting for the numbness that comes with frostbite but it never does

Just pinpricks

Wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t have to feel?

My emotions are a cruelty

Your existence a mockery

of what I shouldn’t be saying, shouldn’t be feeling, shouldn’t be thinking, shouldn’t be, shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t,

I am

A prisoner to this wretched demon of Hel

And there’s nothing-I-can-do-about-it.

Screw you!

Because no matter what I do: shut my eyes and hide under the covers and pretend I’m asleep just another fantasy I thought up lalala la

I can’t hide forever

So here’s to stupidity!

I love you

But you wouldn’t care.