Not Pure Fiction

I don’t understand.

Why do I feel this way?

The world used to seem grande.

But now I always feel,

Like I’m sinking in quicksand.

I used to think everything was real.

Within the past months,

Everything has been revealed.

I’ve realized that

The world actually conceals.

Everything is ideal,

At first.

I used to be super happy.

But now I’m cursed.

Everything revealed,

Is the absolute worst.

I want happiness so desperately,

It’s a thirst.

My sadness is too strong,

I’m a cloudburst.

I crave the days

Where everything was wrong.

The world was fake,

But at least my heart didn’t ache.

I’m restless, wide awake.

Take me back to bed,

I’m done with this heartbreak.

Seven months ago,

Everything was in colour.

The world,

would sometimes even glow.

Seeds of joy would constantly grow.

Woah,

But then I let go,

And now I’m kind of a hoe.

Back in May,

I was so innocent.

My flashbacks of purity,

Are constantly on replay.

Positivity was all I’d weigh.

Back then I was a good girl,

I would even pray.

i would compare everything to a bouquet,

Everything was so beautiful in my eyes.

I’m nostalgic for those days..

Now I party and I even smoke.

I would never have considered that before.

”Yeah I want some weed.”

Would only be considered a joke.

Now I sometimes hurt myself.

I choke.

Back then I coped,

Because I actually spoke.

I’m so broken now.

I’m so numb.

I just want someone to rub my palm,

With their thumb.

And to remind me that my negative thoughts,

Are just dumb.

I want to overcome,

My numbness.

Someone hand me a compass,

That guides me to prosperity

Instead of this ruckus.