Santa’s Fucking “Helper”

So it is nearing that time of year again where every kid thinks they are special and become the biggest kiss up you will ever see. Susan over there kicked her uncle's cat down some stairs the other night, but is now asking for one of her own. She writes this list and begs the big guy over here for a cat. Even though she clearly cant handle a cat, Clause gets her one anyway! But that is just the first step. Letters come flying in all at once. This kid wants this. This kid wants that. It never ends! While I'm stuck trying to tell the big guy what the kids want, HE DOESN'T EVEN LISTEN TO ME! Last year, this kid named Bruce wanted a firetruck, right, but guess what he got? A fucking police car. Poor parents had to listen to that fit for months. It is almost like he does thee opposite for the bad kids, he get them what they want, but doesn't get the good kids what they want. I don't even know why I stay here. I don't get any of the credit. None of us do. I work for cookie crums. Some days I just want to kick the fat guy off the sleigh and ride off. My job is a pretty simple one, but when sir Ass Hat doesn't listen me, all the elves get punished. We work hard all year making sure that when Santa comes in to work it is a cake walk. Load em' and lose em' is what we say. But instead of following what we planned, Sir Clause decides that kids dont get what they asked for...you know....the shit we spent all year making. I havent had a day off in centries...but this ass gets 364. He changes kids' list and his reasoning is always "but they might like this better" or "I cant leave this for them. Their parent would hate me!" THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU ASSHOLE IT IS FOR THE KIDS! That's the whole point, but hamburger helper here thinks its not. This shit doesn't just grow on trees. We end up listing leftover items on the Ice-Market just to make a living. Anyway, merry fucking Christmas...hope you're happy..

Sincerly,

Santa's fucking "helper"