You (I realize)

Circa 2008

You (I Realize)

A break in the clouds, for the suns piercing glory

a flutter of eyes to take in the morning

but the vision is unclear, and the objects are muddled

and you lie face down in the tears that you puddled...

the world might be a pretty place

with someone in it to adore your face

but a broken heart and a past that still haunts

are just a mere stab and laugh that life taunts

to clear the idea that i'm trying to express

imagine yourself on the verge of happiness

only to find, that where you're at and what you want

were two different things, all along.

You, I realize

through closed eyes, are

my morning star, the sun that

keeps me warm and combat

my darkness my past and

a holding hand.

Though the liquid i induce blurs my vision

and the smoke clearly expands my mind

your smile makes a precise incision

and the way i feel for you i can't hide.

No matter how far down i go in this life

my thoughts of you get me by.

Even though your smile is shared in something else

that in comparison makes me look just pale

You, I realize,

are the yearning and the mourning

the shouts and the cries,

the burning and the forming

of my empty nights.

yes, you, I realize,

are far to gone for me to apologize

there is no time

the sun has set, the clouds have met

and i'm lit on the face by a pale

lonely moon.

It should be sin to wake up,

without you.

But call me Hell Bound because

every day i do

I almost fall to pieces when i stare to no avail

your neither here nor there

and my words do more than..fail.

You, I realize,

I never really knew,

only what i could see and take in

never the depth beyond the skin

i'm..a fool

for thinking that things were easy

my life has been misleading

in the hopes of ever loving another

so i've loved myself to death

and have become too great a blunder

you, i realize, said i would be this.

so passionately take out the knife from my back,

turn me around straight through my chest right on track,

look me in the eyes, repeat the lie," i love you,"

only to leave me lie, to do a few

addictive contradictions like you do.