little did you know

she tried checking my google search history, expecting to find porn or that i was looking at other girls.

she got mad when i hid it from her and wouldn’t let her see, assumed she wasn’t good enough for me, i didn’t want her to see that the last thing i searched because it was how many pills of my mothers prescription could kill me.

it would kill her to know how badly i wanted to die, so i hid the smallest things from her and she told me i never tried. i’m sorry but this depression has taken all of my energy darling, and i’m not equipped to help another person right now, distance yourself from me before i finally drown, because i’ve been treading water all my life and i’m forgetting how to swim, so stand on the shore and don’t you dare jump in