My Nightmare
I had a dream.
You were in it, but not with me.
We started together- like we have,
and then you ran away.
Like you always do.
I found our favorite band, and
laughed with children, walking
around the mall.
I text, I call, I get no replies.
This is the life I must accept.
I snapped a picture with TJ,
and you wrote back, "You're one sick
bitch!" I knew you were high.
Walking curving stairs, I saw you,
my nightmare. With girls we do not know.
Your hair is short and green but your eyes...
are bored and red.
You're gone again.
You continue to eat with them
and I eat alone,
hardly able to swallow.
My heart feels like breaking.
I don't think I can handle it aching
anymore. Watching you walk away...
Now you're gone.
I resign myself to the fact that
I will never be enough. Not enough
to make you happy.
I have too many
rules.
I am not the adventure you seek.
I never was.
Now you really are gone.
You tell me what you did-
all your feeling gone from your words.
You're dead inside, and I can feel the emptiness.
You're high, but oh so low, I can't fix
you, never could.
So now you're gone, so I am too.
Because although I couldn't save you,
you took my heart without warning,
sacrificing me to the murky depths of
numbness.
You left me for dead. Now you're gone.
You'll come back with false smiles,
drawing me in with promises of
new beginnings. But I know
the truth.
You're gone. Always have been.
You lead me like a calf to slaughter,
thinking I'll be headed to greener pastures.
Fuck you.