Signature Snohomish Grade “A” Meat

In the depths of hell, there were the souls of the damned, and every tortured scream they unleashed would be collected into a special vile. Hellish scientists then used magic to transform the piercing shrieks to form an unfathomably fiercesome beast.

To Suzie Slasher, though, the beast would be like having a family dog.

Other-worldly grunts could be heard.

Unnatural growls continued to call out from the cookie-cutter suburban home’s green, perfectly trimmed backyard.

Snohomish was home to some of the most grisly murders to date, especially during the time when witches were hunted vigorously. It was always winter in Snohomish, too, to the dismay of stammering meteorologists.

There was a tourist attraction in town, a haunted house. Only little Suzie and her mother, because of a witch’s blood that flowed through their veins, had any clue as to what really was going to happen in that ghostly attraction.

There were a few spells that were known to the wily woman and her daughter, the kind that confused onlookers, affecting memory for the next twenty-four hours.

Suzie’s mother heard noises, but due to the magic in her veins, didn’t think anything of it, almost as if the beast was nothing more than a chirping songbird.

Suzie herself had been dreaming of the strange beast, and awoke to the noises outside. Once outside, Suzie sleepily made her way to the backyard. There were red eyes glowing back at her. Suzie yawned, then sweetly smiled.

When Suzie approached the beast, she held out a small hand to touch it, even if it was mostly large pores oozing blood. In that moment, when she made contact, her eyes rolled backwards as she slipped into a trance. She saw humans in a meat-packing plant.

To her, it was obvious that hell had special plans for those brave enough to enter the territory of hell’s domain, and its portal would be at the haunted house, for as long as it was the right season, and with the help of a little magic, that could be forever.

There was only one thing Suzie had to do until she could joyfully embrace all the death that would befall to those victim to hell’s ploy: Open another portal.

Suzie’s eyes returned normal, and she went to the haunted house, dead in the middle of night, opening the portal that lead directly to hell, located right by the exit of the attraction.

The next few weeks, people would disappear, and no one would know why, even with the stench of human meat constantly permeating the air, escaping from the invisible portal.

Chuck, a butcher and good friend of Suzie, happily managed the human meat-packing plant from capture, to finished product. Not only would Chuck eat well, and ravenously so, but all of Snohomish would, and anyone just dying for it.