Craving

I treat people like answers to questions that should not be asked aloud

My chest rings hollow, caving in I crave anything anyone that can hold me up for just one more second

It’s really not about you

It’s desperate, pathetic how selfish I am I latch onto any shreds of kindness and wring you out bone dry wounded animal I want to feel less broken and you’re my next fix

You think I’m in love with you I wish it was that easy to lie to myself but

I just like the idea of it- doesn’t matter the face or textured hands or cracks in the voice my daydreams are a fill-in-the-blank with whoever’s closest by

If you’re going to pity me do it for the right reasons

You continue to indulge me- is it due to your spinal inadequacies or the dark satisfaction from a trainwreck and you just can’t look away

I drape myself all over you- figuratively, literally- you stand still enough that I won’t fall but have your arms ever been open

I wish I had enough pride, any pride but this is just too easy

You’d say no if you wanted me to stop you haven’t

You haven’t said yes either

Lord, you’re so passive you don’t care enough not brave enough to open your stupid mouth I hear the judgement all the same do you like me at all or do you just feel sorry enough to put up with my toxicity putrefaction

Pathetic pathetic pathetic

Do you think of me and wince

Pity is worse than hatred worse than apathy worse than disgust

Was every platitude a pretense to sustain a dying ego so fractured you manufactured each ounce of respect to avoid the splinters of fallout

Lacking personhood, denied of humanity can’t have vanity when I’m too wretched to be held accountable

I feel so sick I have to stop I promise I’ll leave you be but

You’d just pity me more