drown

don’t tell me to be happy.

you can’t look into my eyes and expect me to suddenly,

be happy.

oh god, i wish.

i wish it were that simple.

that all the thoughts would just

cease because i say so.

it’s not a choice, though.

i didn’t choose to drown under this water.

it dragged my entire being down without mercy.

i fought, at first.

i tried to find my happiness in a boy.

my love, my best friend, my everything.

but i found myself slipping deeper and deeper

to the bottom and out of his grasp.

he was angry he couldn’t fix me.

everyone was angry.

they tried to hide it, but that little game never works.

so in the end, when i’m dancing with my thoughts

that never stop,

there’s no reason to even put up a fight.

i just drown.

then i wake up the next day,

and do it all over.