I draw the knife across my skin

Slowly, gently at first

Hesitant

The caress of an old lover not seen in years

Suddenly it becomes harder, mean, angry

Furious

My hand steadies

The blade gaining a confidence of its own

No longer under my control, an entity of its own

Red droplets of blood begin to form

Dripping down my body to the floor

Staining the tile red with my agony

Emptying me of this overwhelming emotion

Then it hits

That release

Ohh, that sweet, sweet flood of release

As the blade sings across my skin

A mournfully joyous tune I haven’t heard in a while

The melody as familiar to me, as comforting

As the beat of my own heart

I move slowly

Savoring the stinging pain

Every moment of my blissfully excruciating escape

Raspy vocal cords scream a prayer that it never ends

Emotions pour out of my body

In a sea of red

Release

Emptying me til I’m hollow again

Breathe

Steady

Repeat

Until finally the numbness spreads

Envelops my body in a comfortable embrace

As I slip to the bathroom floor

Sighing gently

A quiet, hushed whisper escaping my trembling lips

“I’m home”