It was me, I did it.

I stole that ring.

I wrote my name under that desk.

I peed myself. In front of everyone.

I looked up the answers for Kumon. I lied about it. I hid that booklet.

I masturbated. I used that brush.

I looked up that porn. Well, not that porn. But porn.

I broke it. His show-and-tell project. But I hit my head because of him. But I blamed myself for him leaving school.

I almost ran away, but I hid instead.

I hyperventilated for show.

I sprained my ankle and hid it from you, but I didn’t tell you it still hurt.

I thought beheading that littlest pet shop toy was fun.

You’ll find toothpicks in the stuffed giraffe.

I never wanted to be a veterinarian for those reasons.

I saw him. Watching the porn. On mute. In the living room. Knowing I was in the next room.

I can’t get it out of my mind when I talk to him now.

I saw that glimpse of your happy tree friends episode. Where he stabs his own feet and skis down that hill.

I threw away the condom in the trash can. I put it in the empty ice cream pint.

I was scared in that bathroom. Couldn’t get out. Wouldn’t lock the door for years.

I remember the pills you put up my ass, and how I didn’t like it.

I stole those plastic vegetables.

I didn’t steal from target. But I checked my pockets when you weren’t looking.

I couldn’t watch commercials for anti-depressants for years. They gave me PTSD. I was twelve.

You’ll find strap-ons in my storage boxes.

I left him. I went back to my seat at the theater. I felt bad.

I never did study AP Chemistry that day. At least I never gave him a blowjob in the bathroom. I should’ve.

I lied. About the sex. But why would I tell? You’ll never know those things about me.

I tied him up. It felt good. No hickeys you said. Too rough. He tied me up.

He was right. The little piggies didn’t build houses out of stone.

I lied to you, but I loved you. I did it because I loved you.

You called me thirty times, but I hid.

I always hide! You know I always hide.

But so much! There’s so much you don’t know!

So much I wish you didn’t.

Forgive me! Forgive me, I didn’t tell you.

Forgive me, I never could.

Forgive me, I never can.

#secrets #thoughts #fiction #poetry