Willing to live.

Sometimes I think I’ve lived too long,

I have been a mother to kids that are not mine,

I have raised them,

loved them and helped them grow.

I have been people’s friends,

Their rock,

Their support system,

I have been there for them.

I have been in love,

I gave my heart away,

Trusted that it wouldn’t get broken,

But it did.

I have been someone’s daughter,

I grew up,

I went to school,

I graduated,

I worked,

I give my parents my love.

I work,

I sleep,

I eat,

I care,

I give and never ask for anything in return.

I have done all of this and I’m exhausted,

I feel like I have lived a lifetime but I’m only 24,

24 isn’t that old at all yet I’m expected to have my life in order,

I’m expected to be everything I’m not.

At 24 I shouldn’t feel like this.

I shouldn’t feel like a failure,

I shouldn’t feel like I have lived too long.

Even with all of this I still wear a smile. Sometimes it’s fake because I don’t want people to worry,

And sometimes I don’t have the energy to explain why.

But I am smiling more for real than a mask that I have in a long time.

I still feel like I have lived too long but it’s a life I’m wanting to live.

I’m happy and even though right now my heart and soul are hurting I know I’m happy and everything will be okay.

And a really amazing friend told me ‘I know it’s a cliche but only time and good people around will heal you, no other way around it, I guess in the end you just wait until the pain is bearable and you can breathe without you throat getting tight... Its hard’

It’s a long life I’m willing and wanting to live.