I close my eyes and dream.

I dream of bloody knuckles and bruised skin

Blood pouring from broken noses,

clotting at the cut on your lip.

I dream of fighting.

Of running my finger through your hair and

tightening,

Of faces being slammed through glass

Of ribs crackling,

bowing under the force of too much pressure

Of dislocated shoulders, arms dangling limp

I close my eyes and dream.

Curl fingernails into sweaty palms until they bleed

Trying desperately to stay afloat,

to let your cruel words, flow over me.

Instead they burrow in through the chinks in my armor

I dream of hurting you in the way you hurt me.

Of stripping you down to your fragile core and squeezing

til you break

Of befriending you and

gaining your loyalty

Becoming your most trusted ally and watching

as you drown in guilt and shame and uncertainty

I dream of arguments that span for hours,

Of screaming until our voices are nothing,

but a distant memory

Throats so dry every cough hurts

Of no longer being considerate and understanding.

Of hot tears and snarling faces,

words tossed back and forth like bullets.

Of backhanded slaps and hair pulling

Of throwing sloppy punches that make my bones throb the next day

In sync with the ache in my heart and the joy in my soul.

I close my eyes and dream of returning the pain you’ve given to me,

I dream of retribution.