reasons you aren’t going to kill yourself tonight ;

i.

you know that you're in no state to be

making decisions at this hour, dear.

you know that the night is for

letting the feelings

that are going to happen

happen without consequence.

ii.

you promised your mom you wouldn't,

and you can't bring yourself

to break her heart any more

than you already have.

iii.

you don't know if you're in love

with your best friend yet,

and you still

kind of want to find out.

iv.

your favorite song just came on

and you want to listen,

even though you told yourself

that you don't like music anymore.

v.

someone has to feed the dog.

where will the dog sleep when

you are no longer there

to let her into your bed?

vi.

you're so tired, love.

too tired, in fact,

to clean up the blood

when you are finished.

and you know how much

they hate messes.

vii.

the sun is rising

somewhere far away,

and even though

you can't see it yet,

it is beautiful.