Writer Gets Her Revenge

The problem with giving someone the key to your brain is that they can access it even after they've ended things

I know it's not a "break"

I know it's done for you

If you wanted to be with me

in the future

you wouldn't have said

for me to try again with someone else

To me that's something you say when you didn't really mean when you said I love you

or made plans with someone

You would have realized that this was something you didn't want to lose

and the thought of me being with someone else

would you as sick as it makes me feel

right now

You can tell me it's not my fault

until your very last breath

and I still won't believe you

The rationale part of my brain

has clicked off

And now all the things I've been telling myself for years are coming back to chew the inside of my brain

There's something wrong with me

I can't be happy

Won't be happy

because of something I couldn't control

Because of a decision that wasn't mine

I'll never be able to be with someone

I'll never be better

and trying is just

fucking pointless

And you couldn't even wait

till we could sit down and talk this out

like adults

That really fucking hurts

because I wasted so much time

coming up with words

to show you what you mean to

me

I wrote them down

like an idiot

Showed them to you

like an even bigger idiot

You probably won't read this

But if you do

just know that...I'm sorry

I wasn't going to give up

I would have stayed and helped you figure things out

Because you meant that much too me

but I guess I didn't mean that much to you

the cycle continues and the timeline repeats