Year one

We were

nine years old.

"Hi"

I said

to her.

She looked at me,

her eyes narrowed

and critical.

"What?"

She snapped.

"I just wanted-"

I started.

She turned away.

Five minutes later

she turned back.

"Hi"

She said.

"I'm sorry"

She said.

"It's okay"

I said.

And

it

was.

Year two

"I missed you"

I said.

"Same"

She said.

"New school year"

I said.

"Fourth grade"

She said.

"Big year"

I said.

She nodded.

"Maybe"

Year three

"Last year of

elementary school"

I said.

"I'll miss our school"

She said.

I smiled.

She smiled.

She grabbed

my hand.

"Oh"

I said.

She smiled

again.

Year four

"Middle school"

I said.

"I wonder if

it will be

as hard as

everyone says it

will be."

"Maybe"

She said.

"I hope not."

Year five

"You have a girlfriend"

They said.

I blushed.

"I don't"

I looked at

her

She was as red as

a tomato.

"Stop"

I said.

"Girlfriend, girlfriend"

They said.

She looked away.

Year six

"I love you"

She said.

"Oh"

I said.

"Me too."

She smiled.

"Let's go to

the movies"

I said.

She beamed.

"Okay"

she said.

"Girlfriend, girlfriend"

They said.

"Yeah"

I said.

"Girlfriend."

Year seven

"I wonder if

high school

will suck"

She said.

I smiled.

"I dunno"

She took in a

deep breath.

"We can do this"

She said.

"Maybe"

I said.

"I hope so."

Year eight

"How are you doing"

She asked.

"Okay"

I said.

"I need to tell you

something"

She said.

"Okay"

I said again.

Her eyes brimmed

with tears.

"My mom"

She said.

"She died"

She said.

"I'm sorry"

I said.

"I..."

She broke off.

"I... Need you."

"I'm here"

I said.

"I'm here."

Year nine

At lunch

she took a

bucket.

"Are you okay"

I asked.

She shrugged.

"I'm fat."

"No-"

I started.

"I am"

She said.

She ate her

pizza

and threw it up

into the bucket.

"You aren't fat"

I said.

"I am"

She said.

Year ten

"My dad died"

She said.

She looked down

at her shoes.

She sounded broken

she sounded hollow.

"Oh"

I said.

"Oh."

"I want to..."

She stopped.

"Yes"

I said

"I want to die"

She said.

"No"

I said.

"You have to

stay with me

please..."

"Maybe"

She said.

She looked away.

At lunch

she still threw up

into her

bucket.

Year eleven

"It's the last year

of high school"

I said.

"Oh"

She said.

"Aren't you excited"

I asked.

"No"

She said.

"I miss you"

I said.

She glanced at me.

"But-"

"The real you"

I said.

"Not the shell

of yourself."

She looked away.

"Oh"

"Give her back to me"

I said.

"Please."

Year twelve

"College"

I said.

"Yeah"

She said.

She wore a black hoodie

and black jeans

and sadness written

upon her face.

"Cheer up"

I said.

"I try"

She sighed.

"But it doesn't

work."

"Try harder"

I advised her.

"Please

for me."

"Maybe"

She said.

"Maybe."

Year thirteen

Before the next

school year

even started

she was gone.

"Car accident"

They said.

"I'm sorry"

They said.

"No"

I said.

"Nonononononono"

"I'm sorry"

They said again.

She was gone.

Childhood friend.

Love of my life.

I curled up into

a small ball

and sobbed.

"Nononononono"

I hugged her

black hoodie

"No

please

no"