Letter to My First Crush

You were my first crush

Oh, how I loved staring

into your emerald eyes

I longed for your attention,

but you didn’t care for mine

For I was the wrong gender

that you had in mind

I never told anyone about my feelings

Cause what I was feeling was wrong

Or at least, that’s what society said

Teachers and preachers alike

mocked those like me

My feeling for you

became my greatest secret

When you talked to me

it was hard to keep down the butterflies

Not wanting to scare you

I would try to not act suspicious

least you question my intentions

and run away with fear

You my first crush,

but as long as my feelings for you remained

So too did the need to mask my face

I had learned how to put on a plastic smile

My puppy dog love had isolated me

from you and the rest of society

Everyday I sat at my desk

in that fourth grade classroom

feeling like an isolated fool