-you were my something and i was your nothing. now i couldn’t feel lower if i was buried six thousand feet underground. what happened to my

it's not like it was just yesterday that you forgot about me

and we stopped talking

it's been seven months

and i'd be lying if i said this wasn't the worst winter i've ever had

i've been stuck in blizzards and heatstrokes of writing stupid things about you that don't add up to poetry because the way you treated me was never quite as beautiful

it was hell

i just didn't realize it before

maybe it was because i was really getting used to the way your voice could shatter my entire existence with a few syllables

or how your words always managed to stab me in places under my skin that no one else could ever reach

you were right,

i didn't matter

but there must've been something between your "that's nice"s and "cool"s that kept me breathing, because you got me through the fall even though you didn't mean to

i never saw your list of intentions,

but i highly doubt they mentioned helping a lost girl cross a chasm to find her way back home

however, this is not a thank-you note

it's more of a goodbye

i'll say it again-

we were not poetry-

we could've been

but no matter how you choose to romanticize it,

we weren't beautiful

our worn-out mouths and twisted hands were not smothered in strawberry skies

they were tainted with poison

we were toxic

there were no words that hung in the air like cigarettes at midnight or smiles that could've reignited the world with their spark

there was just us

and you left your mark on me

instead of trying to find the rose petals in a field in full bloom,

you chose to focus on the thorns

you said i had thousands of flaws, and you found them in my every breath,

choking me with what i should've said

so if you thought the pair of us were poetry, answer me now:

were we beautiful then?

face it

we were never gorgeous

and if you still think we were, get it through your head:

pain is not beautiful, and the way i've barely managed to survive these past weeks is not somehow stunning

so stop telling me we were dynamic

that's not true

we were dynamite but i took the damage

all because of you