bow out

it was brief, passionate, intoxicating, lethal—

a love that was never truly discovered, but proclaimed

i try to forget him—

his crooked nose & gritty smile

smelling of old spice & marlboro menthols

tasting like rum & sugar

i'd trace my fingers along the sinews of his body

try to lose myself in those artic eyes

sometimes he'd look at me, let me sense his pain

but we'd never speak about it

just lust & fawn over one another

talk politics & old stories

drink & smoke & watch stars punch through the sky

until one day

we just didn't

i thought holding on

would be my profound act of defiance

but then logic overcame me

so i released

left behind nothing but cigarette butts

& ashes & empty bottles of sailor jerry

because that's what you do

when you're more of a man

than the man you were with