Me.

Funniest thing I've heard in my 38 years on this planet:

"I think you're a good person."

And the speaker wasn't on illicit drugs.

However, he stared at a brick wall as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him, whispering these blasphemous words into my ear, covered by wisps of hair falling down from my ponytail, therefore being sprayed with foul-smelling spittle.

How I envy his blind faith.