I am not good at some of these things

I wish I was better at walking around and pretending. I wish I could lie with a straight face like you do. I wish I could inhale other people's life force and exhale misery like you. I wish I could build my life on the edge of the ashes of everything I had burned down. I wish the corpses in my closet were quiet like yours. I was so envious of how much you were allowed not to care while I was afflicted with the opposite disease.