Civil

Learning to appreciate

Is the toughest thing

when You've Lost

It is that once-a-champion's cliché..

Feeling like a wash-up, although no one sees it that way.

A restart, or what my generation would parallel with, a reboot

Tough skin layers around

my wounds from the past

A cloak really.

Instantaneously

The cerebral carousel of distraught memories

slowly

fade

away

and with time I create new uplifting ones

It's a necessity, derived from want and will

Because I won't die, I don't die

It's A bittersweet feeling

Like a snake shedding its experienced skin

to writher into new territory

& Whether I like it or not

I need that uneasy feeling

The cigarette smoke

Sits on my lips

Reminding me to retreat for another one and

another

...and another

The Carousels of my many dimensions, different addictions, realities, thoughts, relationships

spinning spinning and spinning

until a connection is made

I can see and realize its value as a chess piece in this game of reality

And at the end of the day

the civil war within myself

always has a winner