Destroy the Evidence

I want to smash apart the bed I hid under with you

Get splinters so deep they fuse together with my bones

And bleed so furiously that all the parts of me that still think of you

Are drained from my being completely.

I want to tear away the dusty green carpet and expose the rotting wood floors

Get staples so deep in my toes that there’s silver poking out through my toenails

Dust so deep in my lungs that it burns with every huff of my breath.

I want to smash into the computer screen you called me on

Let the glass push straight into my eyelids

Removing all traces of you from the hard drive

Dispelling your face from my memories.

I want to peel off my own skin

So that the pressure of your touch would be striped away

By constant burning in my open flesh.

And if I lose all sense of myself in the process

At least I’ll lose the memories of things

I’m not strong enough to say with my own mouth

That I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk about.

I would rather be destroyed than live with the rancid taste of

Binge eating the lies you fed me

over and over and over

Until it’s finally actually over.

#poetry