the bends

Jealousy has wrapped me in it's tempting arms.

Everywhere I look around, each scroll on the screen of my phone

takes me to a place in my head where everyone is better than me

It's like I'm in a room full of people,

impossibly alone

Standing still,

lost in the fuzz of people moving briskly ahead in their brilliant directions

I wish...

I wish.

All my thoughts puckering into existence

make a beseeching appeal to the universe to make it all better

I look for the yellow road with my name on it only finding a thousand paths

swirling into one another

until I can't make one out from the other.

'Me. me! Pick me!'

'.. but what about me?'

The yearning to be someone turns

into a haunting realisation of mediocrity

The weight of being no-one in the midst

of the glory of others pulling me down

further and further

Until I cocoon into myself

crippled with fear,

dark clouds hovering over my head

Afraid of finding out what the future holds

Still

in the chaos of the universe.