ours

i think a lot about the baby

we could have had

should have had

but didn't.

and it's my fault.

i dream about your hand

on my swollen belly,

your smile as you sense

what we created—

would have created

if only

my body was a battered vessel

my mind too wounded to comprehend

i feel it now.

wishing my womb would have sustained what was ours—

wishing my mind could have overcome itself

i dream about you

i dream about me

i dream about what could have,

should have,

but didn't.

my fingertips long

to feel a kick or heartbeat or sigh

that isn't just mine

or yours

but what could have been,

should have been

ours