THE MOUNTAIN I WALK

I am broken and tired from the mountain of life I have treked upon

The road is rocky and the end is fatal

My bones have withered

And my heart is brittled

I have aged

My eyes have gone gray

My fingers have curved into the soil

And implanted my soul at the end of the line

I gave out

And sink into the shame

And I scream out Help

I couldnt walk this mountain anymore

So I take a deep breath

And etch my headstone

And write my script

I was so strong

But I couldnt swallow the tears anymore

I couldnt cry even if i wanted to cry

Because I was saving my last tears for my funeral

Because no one would be able to mourn my death

Because i am the only one who could bear the pain of staying

They all promised they would stay each season

Even the fragile falls

And the winter wills

And the spring songs of rain

And the summer swirls of happiness

But they left each turn of the year

Sometimes even months

They made a home out

Of me

And out they went

In they came

To keep warm

I held them from the storm

But the window of my soul

Couldn't withstand the storm

That was brewing inside of me

I whisper into their ears of magic wishes

Of love and crystallized hope

But I have been ignoring the pain

And stepping up the mountain

I have been ignoring the lump in my chest

I am catching my own sickness

I think its depression again

Here I go again

Plotting my own ending

Cant decide if I am going to imagine this one

Or make it a reality

I did everything right

I igorned the thoughts

But when the night comes

And overshadows my

Shadow

The monsters of the night

Come out and prowl

Of my insecurityies

And jingle chains

And toss me food to chomp on my own bile

Of me

Knowing that I am hungry

To munch on the pain

To try get me to reason

Why I struggle

Because I deserve it …..

I thought I was happy

Because i had friends who cared

But they all left

When the frown apppeared……