A Dignified Rant

Throw me to the Neanderthals

I’ll stand on a staircase of evolution

You can deny me, batter me, preach to the world with a clutched picket sign

voicing the words that I am non-existent and irrelevant to your set of beliefs

but you cannot avoid the harsh reality of scientific evidence tapping on the window

Tapping on that 1940 historical mindset, preserved for its value and tradition

Tapping on that festering guilt that resides in half hearted apologies

Tapping on that late-night temporary love existing in the darkest of places

And I might be repetitive

but at least my screams are dignified

Loud and obnoxious

but my megaphone filters out the rickety nonsense

and only allows for grace and excellence to pass through its stream of sound

I’m not a ball player, big league chew stuck to my cavities

But I can catch, hit, run for home

Run for the mountains, beyond the hills

and you wouldn’t think of seeing me again

until you get a little bit lonely

with only your left hand and a sock

You know what’s great about words?

I can drop that good girl, two shoed, wide eyed, blonde haired persona

and rip ears apart with a single syllable

Your dancer is collapsing under the spell of her own heartbeat

But my mind won’t break in the turbulence

My mind is a cataclysm of lost time and mistakes

I hear the pounding again

and I’m begging it is the milkman at the door

and not my melancholy heart

because milk strengthens my teeth

Making them all the better to bite you with, my dear

I assure you that’s no typo for the word smile

The world is telling me to fight my demons

but with tired arms and a blue eyed twinkle

I’d much rather keep my enemies closer

I’d much rather my enemies hold me at night

like a reunited love connection that I first found in the third grade

When Billy Roe decided to share a box of crayons

Oh boy, those colors were an act of genius

A personified heaven amongst the grey conformity of standardized testing

And if you’re offended by my lack of empathy

You should be, I deserve it

I stole those crayons before he even considered a first kiss

I’m no blind-eye to the bitter resentment of discarded holiday cards

But a cheap pair of sunglasses can fool anyone too careless to investigate

You love me and I love you too

but this is a game of habits

My procedural memory moving chess pieces on the checkerboard of your heart

So you can throw me

And you can hit me again

Strike one, strike two

but I invite you to hit me once more

While I pray to your God and thank him

for giving me such obstacles to overcome

Then scoff at myself for being such an artist of sarcasm

Pathetic is not my middle name

it is a label

hovering over my lonesome heart

As the blade sinks just below the skin

Just enough to bleed and just enough to let me breathe

Plot twist: I wasn’t the one holding the knife

My mind clutched that blade like a child lost in the coat rack at the dollar store

But my soul told him no, even if it was a pointless rendering

My soul still tries its best

My soul might be dim, but it is still larger than the bulge in your pants

You see my mind and soul are two separate beings

My soul is a hummingbird, too fast to understand

but frail enough that no one would “intentionally” harm it

But my mind?

Whew, let me tell you about my mind

My mind is a sweltering tar expelling from the soul I hold hostage

locked behind a feeble rib cage.

My mind screams vociferous tones

that escape through the air like stardust and evaporated thoughts.

My mind is a gaudy stench whispering through the pit of my being

As my hummingbird soul withers in its cage

My mind tells me to settle down

because someone might hear my cries and come for help

And we wouldn’t want that now would we?

We resonate in affairs of invested time

And to wipe away our sorrow with the simplicity of a bullet

Would be disrespectful to the pile of horrendous memories

We so carefully packed away

So my mind might be a critical failure

But you better roll that die again

because my soul is a possibility

And even if no one can hear her

My soul will always scream

but you’re not worth the effort

So she will merely whisper;

Fuck you.

- End Rant -