Monday Morning

I awoke Monday morning from a few hours’ sleep

and tried shaking the cobwebs as I rose to my feet.

To the kitchen I stumbled for butter and bread

but I tripped over Rover and busted my head.

“Oh my" I exclaimed as I lay there in pain,

“this is not a good start.” But I rose once again

and slowly I made my way down the hall

until Rover decided my butt was a ball.

“You crazy mutt!” I cried out as I bled,

“Do you remember who feeds you each night before bed?

Do that again and it’s off to the pound!”

Then I tossed him outside and fell flat on the ground.

The neighbors all laughed at my terrible plight

so I picked out a small one and started a fight.

Much smaller that I, I was sure he would flee.

How the hell could I know he was a clone of Bruce Lee?

I came back inside all battered and bruised;

I tried making coffee but the pot blew a fuse.

“What else can go wrong?” I said to myself

as a jar full of jelly fell hard from the shelf.

All five of my toes turned purple and blue

and I threw out my back when I slipped in the goo

and landed spread eagle on my parquet floor.

“This is all I can take! I can’t take any more!”

On my hands and my knees as I crawled to my room

I could not shake the feeling of impending doom.

Then a gilded framed mirror came loose from the wall

and knocked my ass out right there in the hall.