Mark’s POV

Every time I went to the synagogue, it plagued me to think that all those people there with me could just be driven by the same reasoning I was. 'I can't go to hell'. God wanted men after his own heart, like David but deep down we all had darkness we were unwilling to relinquish. You know that guy the Christians talk about - Judas? That was his story, you know. I mean everyone's there like, 'Why would God make his heart this way since he clearly knew beforehand what was to happen? So like, Judas had to go to hell in order for Jesus to save us? Like, why couldn't God have just made him a nice man? You know, for his sake, because clearly the guy was tormented if he killed himself.' Anyway, I don't know, maybe no one's ever thought this but it plagued me until I realized when I was old enough, that I had darkness I knew about, things I continued to do that probably didn't sit well with the big man. But also that hard as I tried, I still feared hell more than I revered my deity. Everything seemed even more futile when I started to think about how God already knew psychopaths would be psychopaths, how he made their brains without the capability to feel guilt or empathy. How, try as they might, they'd just be imitators. So I became an atheist. Somehow binge watching supernatural brought me closer to forgiving these slights. I started to think about all the roman and greek gods and how imperfect they were but how wholeheartedly their people had worshipped them. I still don't get why some people are born with fucked up brains but he is my deity and my king. I honour him nonetheless.