I Am Sorry

My feet are too big

Wide, women's, size 9 1/2

It's not what you think

I'm comfortable with my body,

My size, my shape, my feet

But today they just seem too big

Because I feel so small

I feel like a child

Whose done something wrong

Lying and hiding from mother and father

Though it shows on my face

I'm a terrible daughter

I'd like to shrink into a ball

And forget I exist

Float away from this tethering consciousness

Be like a small little mouse

All alone in a sea

Of people who don't know or care about me

After all, you can't let down a stranger

You can't disappoint, or hurt, or betray

Someone you've never met

But I'm here, in the flesh 

Though I can't meet your eyes

I'm afraid you'll peer through me

And unmask my disguise

I want to protect you 

From what I harbor inside

For if you knew the truth 

Of the thoughts in my mind...

You'd be thoroughly disgusted

And never look at me the same

I'm sorry. That's really all I have to say

But that wouldn't change

What you would think of me

Or how I would cause you pain

You really deserve

Much better than me

There are billions of other

Fish in the sea

It just so happens

I'm the selfish type

You should be running away

But in ignorance you stay

And I can't tell the truth

For if you ever left

My fragile heart would break

I'm really no different

From the villain in your story

We're cut from the same cloth

Again, I am truly sorry.