Choices.

One day I woke up,

and that was enough to set me back. 

I don't always feel like I'm trudging through life like this,

but when I do, I'm alone.

I've tried to take a companion.

And it's not their fault that they may never get it.

They're not unintelligent, they're not oblivious.

Living a life with these constant ups and downs causes me to cut myself off from humans.

Sometimes I stay awake at night, as the sun bleeds into my room.

4:30 am

I am still laying there, hopelessly yearning for an hour of shutting my eyes.

They say I'm not in a pattern. I need to have a schedule for myself, then I will sleep.

But have I never had one? 

Isn't life one scheduled day after another?

Sometimes things just come and go.

They say that I'm okay and maybe I am. 

There's nothing consoling about telling me how I am.

I think I've lived with that knowledge, that seated intuition that I at least know myself.

Is it that you can't trust my constant mental cycling?

That maybe I don't know myself because I'm always in overdrive, or I'm too tired to care.

I'm tired of labeling, but in my label I feel that I finally have that legitimacy that I've been waiting for. 

That one thing I can call upon with absolute certainty. 

Everyday is a challenge but it's nothing I'm not used to.

For now, I choose to try. 

I choose to have companionship, not because they will fully understand, but because they are trying to.