For D.B.

Your perception of me

Is a travesty

A conception of which

You will never understand

Embedded so deeply

In your lack of humanity

Because you refuse to be

Humane

And I’m the one who becomes insane

In trusting friends

Who never were

Or loved ones

And family

Who don’t want to admit

They share the same blood as me

Who can’t see

Intrinsically

I am not the sum of my sexuality

That there’s more to me

A duality

A sum of parts

That made me real to you

At one time

Now you treat me as if

I’ve committed a crime

In being me

Who else can I be?

Should I pretend

To be something I’m not

To feel something I don’t

To mend the fences you erected

Because you can’t admit you disrespected

Me

-Your son

-Your best friend

-Your brother

Why I get this shit from my own mother

I will fail to ever understand

This isn’t something I chose or planned

I die each day I have to suppress

Myself

And each time I

Have to defend and address

Who I am and why I am this way

Something I fundamentally

Strive to understand

Myself

I’d drink to my health

But my mental

Is inconsequential

When it comes to delineating

How I should live

Though you prefer me to exist

-survive

Fuck that

I rather thrive

And if revealing who I am

-What you define as a faggot

Is enough to drive you away

Then you best make it a habit

And stay the fuck

Out of my life…

I’ve struggled too long

Picking up the gun and knife

Wondering if I should end it

Before some predatory, homophobic pussy

Does it for me

So I’m sorry if my big reveal

Makes you feel a little quirky

It’s not my mental that’s been murky

It’s the illusion

You had of me

-Desired me to be

But I’ll tell you right now

-I’m something!