My Struggles Are Over But I Am Sorry

In life, I was surrounded by family and friends and yet I was so alone.

My existence involved daily struggles and demons that were all my own.

You did not see this pain because I wanted to give you laughter or a smile,

And that sight and sound eased my pain but only for a little while.

Like your laughter and your smiles, my demons often helped me to forget,

But they also brought heartache and filled me with deep regret.

As hard as I tried to stand strong against them all, I still fell.

Struggling with the demons of addiction is pure hell.

If I have left you wondering how you could have helped me out,

Or with “what ifs” and “should haves” that plagues you with doubt,

Please understand, this is not your fault, there was nothing more you could have done.

I was not trying to leave you...

I was trying to extinguish the fire that was my pain, and my demons won.

I really did not want to leave you this way.

And maybe you will find peace and forgive me one day.

My struggles are over but I am sorry to have broken your heart and caused you to grieve.

I will watch over you and be by your side, and that, I hope you can believe.