The Battle of Waterlooser

Seventeen - wide-eyed and eager

Talked shit in school and flexed in the mirror

Circulated Jugs! fold-outs with wary refrain

Traded playboys like we were handling cocaine

in a prison yard meant for recovering drug addicts -

take a shot and then stare at their...fit physiques.

And then I met her, pretty girl, blue eyes

Saw her jump in physed and thought it was wise

to talk her up, play it cool - yeah I'm the coolest in this perch

I've done ALL the sex things; yes I got kicked out of church

(I'm not really Christian but does that really matter)

I'll take you out for dinner and SEX - I'll eat the latter

Okay, so now we're in my COOL KID room

About to have SEX on my BED - did I speak too soon?

No? You're excited? Omg, same!

I mean I've done this a lot but haha, I'm game

Ok so you DEFINITELY take of your shirt

and I'm telling you in advance - it'll (probably) hurt

but that just means I'm VERY BIG

Got some liquor? Yes? Let's take a swig -

Ok, where were we? Ah, yes!

How could I forgot? We were going to SEX!

I'm a KNIGHT, ready to FIGHT for my princess

Did you bring paper towels? To clean up the mess?

ok now shirts off, pants down, my time to SHINE

except that day

my sword

forgot how to rise.

Worst. One nighter. Ever.