Until Next Time

I have felt this way for some time, this urge if you will to put pen to paper

and explain why I must do what I must.  It began as early as I can remember, 

this urge to...do things.  It started at six years old, I think or it is one of my earliest memories about what I do.  

I saw the bird's nest in the pine tree outside our kitchen window.  I heard the young birds and I just wanted to see them.  I remember grabbing a broom, I could barely hold it up right.  But when my mother was sleeping, I went out and started to try to hit the nest.

It took a few times, but I was able to get it down.  The nestlings hit the ground,

and I picked one up...and I stared at it.  I stared at it, wondered what made it chirp like that.  The impulse to quiet it came over me, so I did.  I quieted it, and the others with it.  I put it in a shopping bag and kept it close to my bed to look at them.  But my mother found them, yelling at me that it was wrong to hurt things.  But I didn't hurt them, I just quieted them.

When I was twelve, I was tired of catching strays out on the street.  I had this way of being able to have cats and dogs come to me.  It was simple you see, I was able to hold out my hand with some food and then... I quelled my urge.  Animals could sense my urge before it even came to me.  I had to find a way to silence it.  When I learned this, it made things easier.  Easier to see the life leave their eyes.

At eighteen, I was in the park one evening, the one by the school.  I saw the little girl, Annie Hubbard...what was she, 11-12?  She was out picking up acorns, at least that's what I found in her bag.  I had practiced walking, very quietly in the parks and forests.  If you can't be quiet about it, what good are you?  I came up behind her fairly easy.

It was what to do with her after I got her.  Like the others before her, the urge just came upon me, and I quieted her, too.  This time, I don't know what it was something made me what to see her insides.  When finished, I took her back to the tree where I found her.

That was forty years ago, I should have been writing this down much sooner, so I had a record of what this urge does to me.  I should have started much earlier, but this urge to document this just came over me.  I have to go now as I have been watching this brunette, should length hair, incredible lips...

You see, I didn't set out to be a serial killer, it just evolved that way...until next time.