Sex Addicts Unite - Zeus’s Story

"My name's Zeus-"

"Hi Zeus."

"And I'm a sex addict."

Pen clicks. "Tell us about your issues." 

"What can I say? I just like sex."

"You don't just like sex, Mr. Zeus."

"I prefer Gave You the Stars and Sky Zeus, but Mr. Zeus is the same thing."

Eye roll. "So, maybe we should talk about when you started."

"Well, fucked my sister and went from there."

Eyebrow raise. "Your sister?"

"You've met her. Hera? She comes on Tuesdays because she has Alcoholics Anonymous on Thursdays. Wait, was I not supposed to call her that out loud? You humans are so complicated."

Eye roll. "So, you slept with your sister? Why do you think that happened?"

"There was only six of us, and Hestia was a virgin and Demeter's crotch smelled like wheat. Was not going down there. And I'm not into gay shit. I mean, I kissed Poseidon once and had my first taste of what being with a woman on her period is like, am I right?"

Chuckles. Another eye roll. "So, your sister was convenient for you?"

"I guess. I mean, I eventually got Demeter pregnant too, but Hera's my one and only. Well, if you don't count the other 584 people I've been with."

"How is your dick still attached?"

Laughter. "If you have something to ask, Mr. Sheen, raise your hand."

"Shut up, ass wipe. I'll kick your scrawny ass."

"I'm a god, Mr. Sheen. If I start burning, I kill me and the bitch and come back cured."

"Hardcore."

"Mr. Nicholson!"

"What? It is hardcore!"

Another eye roll. "Anything you'd like to add?"

"Oh, I'm your dad, and me and your mother are banging again. Thanks for listening."