13 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t

1. Pain

It hurts. The blade crosses your skin, the match presses into your flesh, your fist impacts your stomach, and it hurts. You will touch your battle wounds and wince. It will keep you awake at night.

2. Blood

No matter where it comes from, it will still stain. It will sneak its way under your fingernails and smear on your fingertips. It will drip into the sink and splatter. Cold water and soap will not be enough.

3. Scars

Mental or physical, they will always be there. You will have marred yourself in ways you will never be able to undo. In real life, there is no Control-Z command to go back. If you aren’t careful, those lines become prison bars and they will lock you in.

4. Shame

You will let no one close to you for fear of them seeing. You will duck your head and avoid their eyes. You will look at the twisted fruits of your labours and the regret will destroy you just like it did yesterday and the day before that.

5. Fashion

You will wear long sleeves or long pants in order to cover yourself. Even on the hottest days, you must either hide in your room or sweat in silence. Otherwise, you will spend your day in fear and anxiety as every glance in your direction sends your heart pounding.

6. Glances

The people who find out will look at you with pity or suspicion. Your excuses sound hollow and forced. Their eyes will burn into you more than a matchstick ever could. Before they look into your eyes, they will look for your wounds.

7. Stigma

They will think it is for attention. They will think that you are trying to die. You will think that too, sometimes. You will doubt the depth of your pain and how valid your feelings really are.

8. Lying

You will learn how to lie. If you are a bad liar, you must practice. Every word will taste like acid but you must not let them see your hands shake. You will practice the words ‘I’m fine,’ in the mirror until you can say them without dying a little inside.

9. Change

It will change everything about you. You shall lose the ability to look at another person and not look for scars. You will see innocent objects and they will make your heart race because they resemble your tools and the associations cannot be removed.

10. Explanations

You will have to explain to others. Children will notice and they will ask you what happened. You must smile and tell them a lovely lie to put them at ease. Perhaps that you battled a dragon or were abducted by aliens. Tell them anything but the truth.

11. Guilt

You will feel like you are nothing. Like you are letting down everyone you know. The sorrow in their eyes has the power to break you in ways you could never imagine. They do not understand how difficult it is to be like this.

12. You are worth it

No matter how worthless you feel, you are a treasure. Whatever is going on right now is temporary and you have the strength to survive. This is not the way out. You are worthy of love, whether you see it or not. This will try to cloud your vision but you must rise above.

13. You are not alone

It may feel like it. You may feel like no one could possibly understand what you’re going through. You may feel like the entire world has utterly abandoned you. This is a lie. There is always someone who loves you. If you can’t find them, then look again. They’re there. I promise.