1 am thoughts

I love him so much, I hate it

I can’t explain how I feel right now and I hate it

Like I want him to be happy

No matter where that happiness leads him

Whether that includes me or not

I hate that about myself sometimes

I can’t let myself be happy until I know all is well for everyone else around me

I keep my emotions and feelings at bay to keep from overwhelming him

I’ve heard so many say that he’s had more than enough time to make up his mind

For him to figure out what he wants, how he feels

And that I shouldn’t be waiting

But I'm not waiting

I’m well aware of what he wants and how he feels

I know him

I feel as if I know him better than he knows himself

He’s scared

Hell, I'm scared

But he’s scared of what will happen

To him, to us, our future if there is one for us

Things are kept casual but boundaries and limits are always overstepped

And I try

I try so hard not to let the happiness consume me

To let the joy give me false hope

I always have to remind myself

Reality.

Let him figure himself

I’m happy, we’re happy letting things happen as they do

But I'm scared

I’m scared that it will be like this forever

And then I'd realize when it’s too late that I did wait

My empathetic nature ruined my plan

In my heart and in my soul I knew he loved him

But he just wasn’t ready for true love