I Just Know Things Sometimes

I know it's polite to hold the door for a stranger coming through behind you.

If you let a door close in my face, I will sing, "THANK YOUUUUUUU!!!!" at the top of my lungs.

Smoked salt is a game-changer.

The minute I mop the floor, somebody will track mud through the house.

Healthy eating is essential.

Sometimes healthful eating is overrated.

Marshmallows are a gift from the angels.

If anything every happened to me, my husband would not know how to use the washing machine.

Or the dishwasher.

My dog loves me unconditionally.

One day, my kids will see me as wise.

And appreciate my sense of humor.

I think my parents and smart and funny.

Don't crowd meatballs in the pan. They'll steam rather than seer.

I will never be taller than the average 5th grader.

When people pronounce espresso as EX-spresso, I want to choke them with a cannoli.