Dear Agony

I 

love

hate

resent

and hold you dear

dear agony, who am I without you?

As I crumple over these sheets of tarnished paper

scratching incoherent nonsense like errant foot prints 

of some ill begotten bird

the thoughts spill like marbles in an hourglass

crash and tinkle against each other

dear agony, 

how I dread and welcome your coming

I drink and drink until there is nothing left

yet there is still you 

you, who creep, like a beautiful slithering flame

dark and unwanted in the flabby conscience of my mind

and set my words aflame

these volatile emotions you trigger

and yet without, I'm nothing,

flat empty landscape painting, 

until you with your brush dipped in my tears and blood

pain the jagged landscape of my reality

dear agony,

I love you

I loathe you

I hate you I need you

don't leave, 

you're all that I have left